Notes from An Alien

~ Explorations In Reading, Writing, and Publishing ~

Friday Story Bazaar ~ Tale Twenty-Nine


Can I Give Up Now?

by
Alexander M Zoltai

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He’d found the poem on some blog—written by an unknown—full of meaning for him…

He began, slowly, to read it yet again, out loud:

“Creeping up a
Hill of life from a
Valley too well-known;
This time, this
Time reach some
Height not leading
Back to have-to;
This time, this
Time free enough to
See beyond these
Patterns locked in
Self so locked in
Dust.”

 

He took note, yet again, of the “Back to have-to“—rolled it around in his mind—knowing what it meant for him—things he kept “having” to do, no matter how much some other part of him desperately didn’t want to do them…

And, “reach some Height not leading Back to have-to“?

He’d explored so many “Heights” over the years—philosophy, psychology, occultism, spirituality, religion…

Each did elevate his thinking and, eventually, his actions—some ever so slightly, some quite substantially; but, never enough to not fall back down to “have-to”…

He’d learned about how powerful his ego was—some religions going so far as to call it the Evil One or Satan…

Ego…

So resistant to going beyond itself—so powerfully keeping him in its Cage…

He’d read, somewhere, that the Will (Ego) had to be turned into a “Door”; then, Release from the Cage could enter his life…

So, his life-long quest (with it’s interminable ups and downs) continued…

“How”, he pondered (at some new depth he’d just recently reached), “can I turn my ego into a door…?”.

All he really wanted to do was scream, “Can I Give Up Now!?”; which he finally realized would happen when he opened that Door…

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