Notes from An Alien

~ Explorations In Reading, Writing & Publishing ~

The Fictional Dream Invades My Personal Life…

In the previous post, The Dreams of The Writer Lead To The Dreams of The Reader…, I began an exploration of what’s called the Fictional Dream, a state of mind writers and readers enter when either creating or consuming a good story.

I urge you to read that post, as well as its comments, before continuing. I was going to incorporate those comments in this post but life has made physical reality take on the garb of fiction

I spend much time in the virtual world, Second Life, and I’d become friends with a remarkable woman. She had become mute at the age of 14 yet had written many poems between then and the age she’d attained when I met her. I’d encouraged her to host one of the Happy Hours on Book Island and share her poetry. Due to her being mute, she could only use the texting feature which puts words above one’s head in a little bubble. I offered to read her poems and she would lead a discussion after each was read.

She was already a good friend of mine when the readings began and those who attended quickly fell in love with her and her work.

Yesterday, I received word that she had died

Her attorney had emailed me and the hours following created many emails and a lengthy phone call.

The attorney was having extreme difficulty getting details of the supposed car crash and the coroner would not release the purported body.

I say “supposed” and “purported” because, until the attorney has taken possession of the body or seen her in a morgue, Jamie will not be dead. It’s still a fiction–a gripping story with drama, mystery, political incompetence, and conspiracy theories centered on a lovely, talented women cruelly cut-down in her 27th year of life

I’m in too much shock to draw-out all the similarities between my experience of this story and the fictional dream of the writer/reader. I’m in the story

If she is proved to be dead, I will still face the fiction of grief’s denial.

Some of you may feel that comments on this post might be in bad taste, but I encourage anyone to make any comment that comes to mind. I’m very much alone, inside a story that threatens to be glaringly true; and, realizing my current state, as I struggle with the lack of precise and confirming information, I quiver to think the story is true and need as much companionship as this venue can provide………
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10 responses to “The Fictional Dream Invades My Personal Life…

  1. Selena April 1, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    Alexander, my heart goes out to you. The shock of a great loss can feel very ‘dreamlike’ while our consciousness and even body tries to assimilate the story. Your open heart, evidenced by the comments and articles here, show that vulnerability can often be a two edged sword and experiencing deep grief is a part of the gift of giving. Know that you are not alone and give yourself time to gather the facts and process them. And grieve.


    • Alexander M Zoltai April 1, 2011 at 3:28 pm

      Selena, I’ve faced death many times in my 65 years. This time is different because the death is still a mystery, shrouded in lack of information. It appears to be true but will not, yet, claim its veracity. I would welcome final confirmation of her death; then, at least, I could enter the waters of grief and begin my healing…


  2. Selena April 1, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    My wish for you is closure then. Many blessings on this journey, Alexander.


  3. Simone Benedict April 1, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    I’m really sorry, Alexander, for this loss. Although my experiences are different, I do feel, to a very limited extent, what you’re going through based on your words expressed here. I know your other readers will feel the same. (((hugs)))


    • Alexander M Zoltai April 1, 2011 at 4:35 pm

      Part of my wants the lack of confirming information to lead to her not being dead.

      Part of me has “almost” enough information to believe she’s dead…

      I’m spinning between the poles of those eventualities…………………….


  4. Darcia Helle April 1, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    Alexander, forgive me, but this does sound more like fiction than reality. Why would your friend’s lawyer call you before he/she has, at the very least, confirmation of death? Is the lawyer a friend, as well? And why all the secrecy? I know our system is broken but this is all so very mysterious that I’m expecting you to tell me that your friend was whisked off into witness protection or that she is the daughter of a top secret diplomat.

    Until you have a bare minimum of facts, you will not be allowed to grieve. You must feel like you are suspended in a state of limbo. I hope you have your answers soon. My thoughts remain with you.


  5. HaleyWhitehall April 2, 2011 at 1:34 am

    When I read through this post I just couldn’t believe it. They say that truth is often stranger than fiction. I did not know this woman but I read in your words the power of your friendship with her and the gift she had with words. I am deeply sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you. The cycle of grief is a long journey. If you want to talk feel free to email me.


    • Alexander M Zoltai April 2, 2011 at 2:05 am

      Haley, dear heart, thank you.

      I’m in the early stages of grief for dear Jamie. The horrible lacuna of uncertainty is over and I can “settle” into grief-proper.

      Life is stranger than fiction………


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